The Most Perilous Game
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Pyro convinces the Acolytes to play a new jungle-themed board game, not knowing it is the board game who will actually be playing them.
1. Are you Game?

**Note: All disclaimers will be posted at the end of the story.**

* * *

><p><strong><span>The Most Perilous Game<span>**

**Chapter One: Are you Game?**

"Man, I'm bored," Remy sighed as he lay sprawled out on the couch in the recreation room while idly toying with a lock pick.

"I must admit so am I," Piotr said sitting in a lounge chair and absently doodling on a sketchpad.

"Me too," Pyro whined slumped over the far end of the couch. "I'm so bored I don't even wanna burn anything."

"Wow, you are bored," Piotr blinked. "Not that I am complaining..."

"Shut up you nitwits," Sabertooth growled as he crankily flipped through channels on the TV. "I'm bored too, but you don't hear me griping about it."

"Actually, you just did," Remy pointed out.

"Shut up Cajun," Sabertooth snapped.

"I'm soooooo boooooorrrred," Pyro let out a loud sigh. "Bored, bored, bored, bored, bor...wait a second!" He shot up and quickly ran out of the room. "I know what we can do! Be back in a minnie!"

"Uh oh," Piotr turned towards his teammates. "Do we even want to know what he is planning?"

"No, but we're probably going to be dragged into it anyway," Remy put away his lock pick. "Heck, I'm so bored I'd actually welcome a little chaos around here."

"Famous last words," Sabertooth snorted.

"I'm back!" Pyro reappeared with a long, compact wooden box tucked under his arm. He held it up for everyone to see. "Ta da!"

"A board game?" Remy gave him a skeptical look. "You want us to play a board game?"

"Why not? That's what you're supposed to do when you're bored," Pyro said and set the box down on the table.

"Yeah, but we've played 'em all already," Remy pointed out. "Multiple times."

"The ones that have survived anyway," Piotr noted.

"Come on mates," Pyro coaxed. "At least give it a try. Besides, this is a new game."

"It is? Well okay," Piotr set aside his sketchpad.

"I'm in. Anything to beat this boredom," Remy sighed getting up. "You game, Sabes?"

"Why not? Nothing worth watching anyway," Sabertooth grunted and turned off the TV.

"This is it?" Remy frowned as Pyro unfolded the top of the hinged wooden game box. The main playing board was relatively sparse with four blank paths winding about it. "I'm not impressed."

"It does look pretty basic," Piotr tapped on a dark round flat crystal set in the center of the board. All of the blank paths led to it. "I wonder what this does?"

"Where did you get this?" Remy felt along the sides of the ornately carved game box which was decorated with a jungle-like motif. "It looks pretty old."

"I swiped it from some sealed-up old basement while we were at the high school," Pyro explained. "You know, the time we pranked the whole place after infiltrating Xavier's?"

"Yeah, I remember," Remy nodded glancing at the central crystal. "So, what are the rules?"

"Oh, not much," Pyro read the instructions painted on the inside of the game box. "Roll dice to move tokens along the path, first player to reach the center wins, yada, yada, yada."

"Huh, like this is really going to be exciting," Sabertooth scoffed.

"Maybe it is better than it looks," Piotr said somewhat unconvincingly.

"Well, let's set things up," Pyro opened a small side compartment and held out four hand-carved stone animal tokens. "Who wants to be the elephant?"

Suddenly, the tokens flew out from Pyro's hand and placed themselves upright on the playing board. The whole game emitted a strange, mysterious drumming sound for a moment and then stopped.

The Acolytes stood frozen for a minute. "O-kay," Remy broke the silence. "That was unexpected."

"Wow, I didn't know it could do that," Pyro blinked in shock. "Maybe the board game is a mutant."

"Oh geeze, don't even start with us about that," Remy groaned.

"Maybe we should not play this game," Piotr ventured cautiously. "At least not without knowing more about it."

"Oh for crying out loud. Move over you sissies," Sabertooth grabbed the dice and rolled them. "There. Let's get on with it."

"Okay, you rolled a..." Pyro trailed off as Sabertooth's animal token moved the designated number of spaces by itself. "How does it do that?"

"Look," Piotr pointed as words began to appear in the center crystal. The Acolytes bent over the game to read them.

"_A graceful neck above your head, can quickly turn violent instead._" Sabertooth frowned at the words. "What the heck does that mean?"

"Uh, Sabes?" Remy pointed toward the ceiling, his eyes wide in shock.

"What?" Sabertooth looked up only to see a full grown bull giraffe looming over him. "Yahhhhhhhhh!"

"What the?" Piotr scrambled back from the table and gazed upward. "Where did **that** come from?"

"Cool! A giraffe!" Pyro chirped as the large animal ducked its head slightly to avoid scraping it against the ceiling. "Think Mags will let us keep it?"

"No way! This thing reeks like crazy!" Sabertooth held his nose and swiped at one of the giraffe's legs. "Go on! Get out of here you stink farm!"

"Uh, Sabes. I don't think you should have done that," Remy called out.

"Why not?" Sabertooth turned around only to see the large horned giraffe head swinging straight for him. "Oh boy..."

WHAM!

"Wow," Piotr blinked as Sabertooth was thrown across the room. "I did not know giraffes could do that."

"Oh yeah. Their necks are really flexible," Pyro said. "You'd be amazed at what they can do."

"Uh oh," Remy gulped as the giraffe began to snort and swing its neck around again. "I think Sabes made it angry!"

"AAANNNAAANNNAAANNNWWWWWW!"

"Look out!" Piotr shouted as the giraffe charged and made contact with the couch.

CRASH!

"Yikes!" Remy rolled to the side as the giraffe ran around and began to destroy everything in sight.

SMASH!

"Somebody stop that thing!" Remy yelled as the giraffe lashed out and drop kicked the TV.

CRASH!

"Don't hurt it!" Pyro shouted ducking out of the way. "He's just scared and confused!"

"**He's** scared?" Remy yelped while trying to avoid being hit. "What about us?"

"Ohhh, that stinking, spotted menace," Sabertooth growled as he picked himself up from the floor. "I'm gonna gut that thing and spill out its...huh?" Sabertooth blinked as a large, dark tongue wrapped around his outstretched arm. "What the...?"

WHOOOOOOSH!

WHAM!

"Ouch, that's gotta hurt," Pyro winced as the giraffe whipped its neck around and threw Sabertooth hard against a wall, leaving a large indentation.

"Get out of the way!" Piotr grabbed Pyro and pulled him aside as the giraffe charged past them kicking everything in its path.

CRUNCH!

"Well that's one way to make an exit," Remy stared at the ruined doorway, now significantly enlarged from the giraffe having ducked and muscled its way through.

"Where did that come from?" Piotr wondered as he helped Pyro up.

"Maybe it came from the game?" Pyro suggested. "The words did say something about a graceful neck."

"Ohhh," Sabertooth groaned and fell from his imprinted position on the wall.

"As Sabes painfully found out," Pyro added.

"The game," Remy made his way over to the table which had miraculously remained untouched. "I don't remember anything mentioning animals appearing out of nowhere. Hey, the crystal thing is dark now."

"Uh oh. Look at this," Piotr pointed to a large block of text labeled in dark red. "Warning. Do not begin a game unless you intend to finish. The exciting consequences will vanish only when an entire game has been concluded."

"See! I told you! The giraffe did come from the game!" Pyro squealed.

"But how is that possible?" Piotr frowned in concentration.

"I don't know, but I'm not taking any chances. This thing is gonna be mothballed and never played again," Remy picked up the dice and threw them in the side compartment. "Now let's go get that walking wrecking ball outta the base before it makes a mess."

"I suppose you are..." Piotr trailed off as he watched Remy's animal token move across the board. "Oh no. I think you just accidentally made a roll."

"What?" Remy looked at the board and saw more words appearing in the crystal. "_To clear them you can slash and hack. Beware, for these green things fight back._"

CRAAAAAACCCK!

SHUMP! SHUMP! SHUMP!

"What the...aaahhhhhh!" Sabertooth yelled as the floor developed several large cracks. Thick, green vine-like tendrils began to shoot up from them.

"Oh my," Piotr gasped as other vines broke through the walls, spread and rapidly grew out.

"Yikes!" Pyro jumped aside as a huge pitcher plant rose up and unfolded exactly where he had been standing.

"Oh no," Remy looked around at the newly developed vegetation. The large, intimidating plants had completely overgrown the recreation room. "Mags is gonna have a fit when he sees this!"

"I dunno, I think they add a little color around here...yahhhhhh!" Pyro screamed as a tendril from the pitcher plant grabbed him and pulled him towards its digestive cavity. "AAAHHHHHH! SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

"Hold on. I will...uggghhh!" Piotr shouted as he was set upon by several dozen vines. "Hey, get off!"

"ROOOAAARRR!" Sabertooth dove into a swath of razor sharp long grass and proceeded to tear it apart. "TAKE THIS YOU OVERGROWN ASTROTURF! YEEEOOOWWW! THOSE BLADE EDGES HURT!"

"Let's get outta here!" Remy grabbed the game box and ran for the exit while using several charged cards to clear a path.

"Right behind you!" Piotr armored up and tore free from the vines. He rushed over and freed Pyro right as he was about to be digested.

"THEY'RE COMING AFTER US! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!" Pyro yelled breaking out his lighter and helped Remy make a path. The Acolytes fiercely fought their way out of the room and regrouped down the hallway.

"Gahhhhhh," Sabertooth gasped as he recovered from his wounds. "Man, those things are tough!"

"Look, they are still coming out," Piotr pointed as the vines began to creep into the hallway.

"How are we gonna stop 'em?" Pyro asked. "For every one I burn down, three more grow up."

"I think we're going to have to play the game," Remy sighed. "If we finish it they'll all go away. At least I hope they will."

"Are you out of your mind?" Sabertooth snapped. "The game is the one who made all this stuff appear in the first place! I can't believe I just said that."

"Look, I know it's ridiculous but I don't think we have a choice," Remy shot back. "Unless you wanna go and shred weeds for the rest of your life."

"Fine," Sabertooth grunted.

"Great," Remy unfolded the game box and set it on the floor. "Who wants to go next?"

"I will," Pyro grabbed the dice and rolled them. More ominous drumming came from the game as new words appeared in the crystal. "_Moving to a new location is the goal of each migration._"

"HOOONNNNNNK!"

"Oh no," Piotr gulped as the air around them began to shift. "I do not like the sound of that."

"SQUAAAAAAKKKKKK!"

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Sabertooth yelled as an enormous flock of birds flew around the corner and knocked him off his feet.

"Hit the deck!" Remy, Piotr and Pyro dove to the floor as a seemingly endless stream of herons, ibises, flamingos, spoonbills, pelicans, geese and cranes flew and rushed above their heads.

"Let's hope none of them decide to have target practice while we're down here!" Pyro yelled and threw his arms around his head.

"If they do I'm gonna have roast bird for dinner...yaaahhhhhh!" Sabertooth shouted as the birds moved on and a massive swarm of dragonflies, beetles, butterflies and other winged insects followed in their wake.

"YEEEOOOWWWWWW!" Pyro yelped as several beetles landed on him, some of them as big as dinner plates. "AAAHHHHHH! GET 'EM OFF ME! GET 'EM OFF ME!"

"GAAAGGGHHHHHH!" Remy spotted a dark column of very large army ants and quickly leapt to his feet. "RUN! RUN!"

"I'M RUNNING! I'M RUNNING!" Pyro screamed as the Acolytes tore like mad down the insect infested hallway.

"In here!" Piotr reached the entrance to the laundry room, his armored form keeping the mass of insects at bay.

"AAAHHHHHHHHH!" Remy, Pyro and Sabertooth frantically spirited and dove into the room.

Piotr quickly slammed the door shut and stuffed several thick towels underneath it. "There, that should keep everything out."

"Ohhh," Sabertooth groaned while covered in multiple red bite marks. "I really hate those things."

"At least we made it through without being bit," Pyro said to Remy.

"Lucky you," Sabertooth hissed.

"Let's hope we manage to live long enough to end this," Remy sighed. "Whose turn is it?"

"Mine," Piotr unfolded the game box, having picked it up in the hallway and dutifully rolled the dice. He carefully read the new message. "_Earth and water, silt and sand. Mix to overrun the land._"

RUMMMMMMBBBLEEE!

"Oh no," Remy moaned as the washing machine began to shake. "What now?"

UUURRRPPPPPPPPP!

"Huh?" Piotr blinked as the washer tipped over and a torrent of dark, viscous mud began to pour out. Several of the laundry room's pipes burst open and started to emit mud as well.

"Uh oh," Pyro gulped as the pool of mud rapidly filled the room. "We gotta get outta here!"

"Let's go!" Sabertooth headed for the door, but slipped and fell face first into the mud. "Gluuub!"

"Where's the game?" Remy shouted as the mud level reached his waist and threatened to overwhelm him. "We can't finish without it!"

"I have it!" Piotr held the folded game box above his head with one hand while holding Pyro above the mud with the other. "We need to go!"

"How? The mud's everywhere!" Pyro yelped as he tried to stand on Piotr's armored shoulders.

"Must...reach...it!" Remy paddled and stretched out his hand, managing to charge the door just as the mud level rose over his head.

BOOM!

GLUUUUUUOOOOOOPPP!

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The Acolytes screamed as the torrent of mud poured out of the laundry room and swept them down the hallway.

"GAAARRRGGGGGGHHH!" Sabertooth gagged as he accidentally swallowed a large mouthful of mud.

"THIS IS NOT A FIRE FRIENDLY ENVIRONMENT!" Pyro shouted as he somehow managed to bodysurf on top of the mud wave. "BUT THIS IS SO COOL!"

"Blop! Blop!" Several large mud turtles popped up and floated alongside him.

OOOOOOSSSSSSHHHHHH!

The mudslide finally petered out and left the four mucky mutants washed up just outside the bathroom. "Well, that was invigorating," Remy coughed and wiped the mud from his eyes.

"That was fun!" Pyro smiled happily while covered head to toe in mud. "Can we do that again?"

"NO!" Everyone yelled at him.

"Awww," Pyro pouted.

"There you are," Piotr set the mud turtles down from where they had perched on his head and gave them a little push. "Off you go."

"Aaarrrggghhhhhh!" Sabertooth roared and spat out a mouthful of mud. "That's it! I've had it!" He grabbed the game box from Piotr's hand. "I'm putting an end to this nonsense right now!"

"Wait! What are you doing?" Pyro asked worriedly.

"This!" Sabertooth unfolded the game and ripped it to pieces. The central playing board hit the floor where Sabertooth smashed it with his boot, cracking the crystal. "There!" He threw the two broken folding wings on top of it and kicked the wrecked game into the bathroom in triumph. "**That's** the way to end it!"

"Oh boy. Do you think this will affect anything...?" Remy trailed off as the dismantled game shook and to his amazement began to repair itself. "Uh, Sabes?"

"What?" Sabertooth glanced down and saw the three separated game sections perfectly reattach themselves. "No way! You gotta be kidding me!"

"Nope," Pyro gulped as the fractured crystal healed and began to glow dangerously. "In fact I think you made it angry!"

"Oh dear," Piotr watched as a new message appeared in the now flawless crystal. "_Inward you'll go, your nature turned. Until a lesson has been learned._"

"Huh? What the heck is that supposed to mean...aaahhhhhh!" Sabertooth yelled as a strange cyclone emerged from the crystal and began to suck him up.

"Oh my gaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" Remy screamed as his body twisted and seemingly turned to smoke. Piotr and Pyro yelped as the same thing happened to them. The cyclone reeled, whirling them round and round before sucking them all into the game, leaving nothing behind but a muddy bathroom and the steady sound of deep, ominous drumming.


	2. Game are You

**Game are You**

WHUMP!

"Ow!" Pyro yelped as the Acolytes abruptly landed in a heap. "Hey, I landed on something soft!"

"Get off me!" Remy snapped pushing him aside. He stood and brushed off his now mudless trench coat. "How did we get so clean?"

"What is this?" Piotr stood up and looked around. They were standing in the middle of a lush, thick jungle. "Where are we?"

"Strange," Sabertooth wrinkled his nose. "Smells like..."

"ROOOAAARRRRRR!" An enormous overgrown leopard leapt out of the bushes and immediately slammed into Sabertooth.

"GAAARRRGGGHHH!" Sabertooth snarled and rolled around entangled with the leopard.

"Hooly dooley!" Pyro gasped in shock. "Look at the size of that thing!"

SSSNAP!

"AAAHHHHHH!" Pyro screamed as the pod of a huge Venus flytrap-like plant flashed down and snapped him up. "YAAAHHHHHH! SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

"Uuurahhh!" Piotr charged towards the carnivorous plant in his armored form. He stepped on top of a camouflaged elephant pit and disappeared from view. "Uhhh!"

CRASH!

"Not again! It's weeding time!" Remy reached for a card, but felt something large and thick encircle his waist. He looked down and saw a massive python coiling around him. "AAAHHHHHHHHH! GET IT OFF ME!"

"RRRAAARRRRRR!" Sabertooth flailed around like lightning as he and the giant leopard swiped at each other.

"Ooof!" Piotr climbed out of the pit, his armored form having protected him from the rows of sharpened stakes lining the bottom. "Hang on Pyro!"

"MMMUUUMMMFFF!" Pyro's legs kicked wildly from the pod's clutches as Piotr reached the large plant. He swiftly pulled it up by its roots and decisively snapped it in two. The giant pod fell to the ground where Piotr quickly pried open its jaws.

Pyro rolled out of the downed plant's deadly maw covered in dripping goo. "Gahhhhhh! Thanks mate! I thought I was a goner for sure!"

"Aaaccckkk!" Remy choked and began to turn blue as the mammoth snake wrapped him up.

"Let him go!" Piotr ran over and punched it on the back of its head. The giant python went limp and allowed Piotr to extract a very shaky Remy from its coils.

"Huuhhh!" Remy greedily gulped in air. "Ohhh, I think I'm going to pass out!"

"YAAARRRGGGHHHH!" Sabertooth roared and ferociously threw the gigantic leopard aside. "COME ON PUNK! YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?" The leopard hissed and let out a defiant growl before retreating and disappeared into the jungle. "HA! YA BIG SCAREDY CAT!"

"Man, what is going on here?" Remy gasped and tried to stop from hyperventilating. "We were nearly killed four different ways in just under four seconds! And where the heck is here anyway?"

"I think we're all inside the game," Pyro said.

"Are you nuts?" Sabertooth snapped. "What am I saying?"

"No, he may be correct," Piotr carefully helped Remy up. "That strange wind did seem to draw us into the game board."

"Oh come on," Remy scoffed. "We're probably just in a heavily overgrown part of the base."

"Oh yeah? Well I don't remember any giant snakes appearing in the base before," Pyro snapped.

"Not to mention leopards the size of a compact car," Sabertooth inspected his flanks. "That thing really did a number on my tail."

"Tail? You don't have a tail," Remy blinked at the large, fluffy tail perched behind Sabertooth. "But I guess you do now."

"Huh?" Sabertooth realized what he had said and glanced behind him. "Aaahhhhhh! Where did **that** come from?"

"Forget that. What's up with your face?" Pyro gave him a strange look.

"And is something wrong with your hands?" Piotr asked.

"Huh?" Sabertooth looked and saw his hands now more resembled thin paws than strong claws. He felt his face and found it to be far more elongated and pointed than normal. He also now sported a large pair of buck teeth. "YAAAHHHHHH! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?"

"Man, you look like a squirrel," Remy gave a small chuckle.

"A big, hairy, overgrown squirrel," Pyro giggled.

"Watch it Firebug!" Sabertooth snapped, his voice noticeably higher pitched. "THIS IS NOT FUNNY!"

"Oh yes it is!" Pyro laughed. "You look like you're gonna start chattering in a minute!"

"Maybe we should start calling you Squirreltooth instead," Remy snickered.

"Shut up Cajun!" Sabertooth shrieked. "HOW THE HECK DID THIS HAPPEN?"

"Well, the game did say something about your nature being turned," Piotr struggled not to smile. "Though turning you into a squirrel is not what I expected."

"Oh great! Just bloody great!" Sabertooth threw up his squirrel-like hands. "I hate this stupid game! When I get outta here I'm gonna rip it to shreds!"

"That's what got you into this mess in the first place," Pyro giggled.

"That does bring up the question: how do we get out of here?" Remy grew serious. "Did the game say anything about that Piotr?"

"Ummm," Piotr paused and tried to remember.

RUMMMMMMBBBLEEE!

"Uh oh," Pyro gulped as the ground began to shake. "This can't be good!"

"MMMRRROOOMMMGGGGGG!" An unstoppable herd of massive African Cape buffalo burst through the undergrowth.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The Acolytes screamed, scattered and ran like mad to stay ahead of the rampaging buffalos.

"YAAAHHHHHHHHH! I DON'T WANNA PLAY THIS GAME ANYMORE!" Pyro yelled with buffalos breathing down his neck. "I'D RATHER BE BORED!"

"CH-CH-CHAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Sabertooth chattered and quickly scaled a nearby tree. He ran along the thick branches, instinctively leapt to another tree and repeated the process until he could no longer hear the buffalos. "Whew, that was close." Sabertooth scampered down from the tree and crept to drink at a nearby pool.

He finished his drink and noticed his reflection in the water. "Aw, no." Sabertooth groaned and saw he almost completely resembled a squirrel. His pointed face now ended in a round, wet nose, his head had two squirrel-like ears jutting from it and his once muscular form had grown somewhat pudgy. "I'm starting to look like a furry version of the Blob. Thank goodness the Runt can't see me like this."

WHOOOSSSHHH!

SSSSSSNAP!

A large crocodile lunged from the water and just missed clamping down onto the end of Sabertooth's face. "Yahhhhhh!" Sabertooth screeched, backpedaled and hurriedly sprinted away. He took cover between the upraised roots of a large tree and tried to catch his breath. "Arrrghhh, everything in this stupid jungle is trying to kill me! This isn't supposed to happen. **I'm** the one that's supposed to go and kill things! Instead I'm constantly running for my life while slowly being driven nuts! Hmmm, speaking of which, I wonder if there are any large nuts around here. I'm really starting to get hungry. Oh great, now I'm even starting to **think** like a squirrel! Things can not possibly get any worse!"

KA-BAM!

Part of the tree next to Sabertooth's head disintegrated and showered him with wooden splinters. "Me and my big mouth," Sabertooth groaned and dove beneath the thick roots.

"There's no point in attempting to hide, foul creature. Your tail reveals your position like a red flag." Sabertooth peeked out and saw a tall, lean man with gray hair, long handlebar mustache and straight, narrow beard approach him. He wore a khaki safari outfit complete with jacket, cape, shiny black boots and round pith helmet. He also carried a frighteningly large, double-barreled elephant gun. "What do we have here?" The man spoke with a regal British accent. "A giant talking sun squirrel? Hardly the worthy quarry I expected."

"Oh, too bad," Sabertooth squeaked in his now high pitched voice and slowly backed away. "Sorry to disappoint. I'll just be going now..."

"On the other hand, such unusual prey is surely an unprecedented rarity. And therefore it is worthy of having its head stuffed and mounted on my wall." The man grinned and gleefully took aim.

"Oh no," Sabertooth gulped and quickly ran off.

KA-BAM!

"Blast!" The man cursed as he missed once again and angrily set off in pursuit. "There's no use running for it, Sonny-Jim! No quarry alive escapes from Van Pelt!"

"I'm going to try!" Sabertooth yelped as another rifle shot whizzed dangerously close past his head. "GAAAHHHHHH! I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!"

* * *

><p>"Ohhh, my back," Pyro moaned as he lay sprawled out in the dirt. He had managed to escape from the buffalos by falling into a ravine and rolling down the side. "Ouch!" He removed several sharp rocks from his behind. "Good thing I added that extra layer of padding to my uniform."<p>

Pyro picked himself up and started down the ravine while nervously looking around him. "Hello? Is anybody up there? Where are you mates? Gambit? Piotr? Anyone?"

"HISSSSSSSSS!"

Half a dozen huge monitor lizards crawled out of their camouflaged resting places and swiftly moved towards him, their forked tongues flicking in and out menacingly.

"AAAHHHHHHHHH!" Pyro screamed and rushed for the vine covered ravine walls. He grabbed a vine and began to wildly scramble up it. The hungry monitors lunged after him as he frantically tried to stay out of their reach.

"Gahhh," Pyro gasped as he hauled himself over the ravine's edge and flopped on his stomach. He looked back down at the imposing monitors thirty feet below him. "Ha! Stupid lizards! You won't be eating me today!"

"CRRREEEAAAWWWWWW!"

A gigantic dark feathered vulture swooped down from the sky and dove straight at Pyro.

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Pyro yelped and ran off into the jungle.

"TSSSEEERRRRRRRRR!" The vulture pulled up and soared over the trees.

"Yaaahhhhhh!" Pyro yelled and desperately scanned for cover. "I'm really starting to hate this place!"

BUMP!

"Ow!" Pyro tripped and fell into a small clearing. The vulture had apparently given up pursuit. "Ohhh, that hurt...huh?" Pyro blinked and noticed he was surrounded by a large number of bizarre looking beings. They looked like walking tribal masks with short arms, flat bodies and highly decorated faces. None of them stood taller than four feet, but each of them carried a six foot spear, all of them sharp and very deadly. "Oh boy."

One of the beings stepped out and approached Pyro. He was significantly smaller than the others and had a rectangular shaped body. He addressed Pyro with a combination of hoots, clicks, whistles and hand gestures. "Bup nik ado tic oop bphfff! Arr eko nip jwu hoot hoot!"

"Uh," Pyro blinked and crawled to his feet. He slowly raised his hands over his head. "Hello. Me Pyro. I come in peace."

The walking mask people just stared at him. "Me lost. Need to find others like me."

More stares. "Others. Humans. People. Mutants!" Pyro slapped his hands against his chest. "You know. Mutants!"

At this the mask people gave a loud cry and leveled their spears at Pyro. "Oh bugger," Pyro gulped. "Maybe that was the wrong thing to say."

* * *

><p>"Whew! That was close," Remy wiped the sweat from his forehead and peered out from his hiding spot. He had taken shelter in a dark cave and had just barely managed to dive in as the buffalo herd ran by. "Better than being gouged and trampled into paste. Now to find the other guys." He charged up a card and peered into the cave. "Hey, anybody in here?"<p>

"CREEECH!"

"Uh oh," Remy gulped as the glowing card revealed the cave's roof occupied by large bats with very long fangs.

"SCREEEEEEEEECCCHHH!"

"AAAHHHHHHHHH!" Remy screamed and bolted out of the cave. The disturbed bats rushed out and flew after him in pursuit. "AAARRRGGGHHH! GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME!"

"EEEEEEKKKKKKKK!" The angry bats scratched at him and caused Remy to lose his grip on the charged card.

BOOM!

The card exploded and caused the bats to scatter and retreat. A few of them clung onto Remy and sunk their teeth into anything they could reach.

"YEEEOOOWWW!" Remy tore off the remaining bats and threw them into the bush. Their claws had left several large scrapes, though none of their bites had managed to break his skin. "Ow, that smarts." Remy winced as he carefully removed his trench coat. "Aw, no!" He groaned and fingered the dozens of little holes and tears the bats had put in it. "That's just perfect! Something else I did not need to deal with!"

"Did someone say 'deal'?" A deep, animated voice asked him.

"Yahhhhhh!" Remy jumped and spun around. He found himself facing a somewhat portly man with combed-back red hair and a pasty white face. The man wore an open blue-green jacket, mustard-yellow undershirt, loose-fitting tie and a small, feathered bowler hat. "Who the heck are **you**?"

"J. Horatius Slick. Provider of commodities, necessities and accessories, at your service," The man smiled and gave an eloquent bow. "All of which are currently available at my most modest and humble establishment."

"O-kay?" Remy blinked. "Wait, what establishment?"

"This establishment right here!" Slick pulled on a nearby vine and a dense patch of foliage pulled back revealing a large, flamboyant trading outpost constructed of native materials and with the words TRADER SLICK'S spelled out above it.

"I've got objects, whatsits, trinkets, gimmicks and a goatee so smart it's got a college degree," Slick grinned and pointed out his wares with a wooden walking cane.

"I already have a goatee," Remy blinked.

"Then can I interest you in the Chintrimmer 3000?" Slick held up a clipper-like hand razor. "Perfect for clearing away unwanted stubble and for getting rid of those unsightly overgrown ear hairs."

"What? No thank you," Remy held up his hand. "I just want to catch my breath, find my _hommes_ and get outta this crazy place."

"Ah, a bit disoriented are we?" Slick asked. "Need a little navigational assistance to aid you in locating your absent companions?"

"Uh, yeah," Remy blinked. "That would help."

"Excellent! And it just so happens I have **exactly** what you need!" Slick gave an exaggerated grin and held out a small wooden compass. "This is a genuine, one-of-a-kind Comrade Seeking Compass. Simply place it in your hand and the needle will point directly toward whomever you are searching for. Hand crafted and enchanted by the Manji tribe itself!"

"A magic compass?" Remy scratched his head. "Hmmm, where have I heard something like this before?"

"Yessiree bob! And it comes with a one-hundred-percent lifetime guarantee," Slick grinned. "Yours for a mere thirty-six zebra stripes!"

"What?" Remy blinked.

"Oh, alright. Since you are a first time customer, I will graciously take a loss and offer it instead for only twenty-four zebra stripes," Slick said.

"But I don't have any zebra stripes," Remy protested.

"Well then," Slick gave a predatory grin. "By all means, let us 'haggle'."

* * *

><p>"Hello?" Piotr called out as he walked through the jungle in his armored form. He had managed to ward off and evade the buffalos and was now anxiously searching for his friends. "Remy! Pyro! Are you out there?"<p>

"HISSSSSSSSS!"

A large snake dropped down in front of him, but Piotr easily swatted it aside. "Sabertooth! Can you hear me? Where are you all?"

"HRROOOWWWRRRRRR!"

A savage pack of hyenas burst from the undergrowth and pounced on Piotr, their powerful jaws latching onto him.

"Urraahhh!" Piotr shouted and flailed about, knocking hyenas right and left. He pried the hyenas off his back and threw them into the bushes. "Go away! You can not hurt me!"

The defeated hyenas growled and slunk off into the jungle. "This is a very dangerous place," Piotr noted as he set off once again. "I hope the others are all right."

"Ah, my mechanical marvels. I do enjoy watching you so." An unidentified voice came from somewhere up ahead.

"Huh?" Piotr brushed aside some ferns and saw a short, round-shaped man standing next to what looked like a large steam-powered metal truck. He had blonde hair, a pale complexion, wore a tan double-breasted lab coat and a tall, black top hat.

"My oh my. What do we have here?" The strange man turned as Piotr emerged from the undergrowth. He gazed at Piotr from behind a set of thick industrial goggles. "That's odd. I do not recall having constructed a robotic metal giant before."

"Who are you?" Piotr asked walking up to him.

"Professor Ibsen, Master Builder," The man spoke in a cool, precise manner. He rapped his gloved hands against Piotr's chest. "I do not know what you are, but I can see from your well sculpted appearance you are the product of a highly skilled artificer. I am both marveled and ashamed that I did not create you."

"Create me?" Piotr blinked in confusion. "I do not know what you mean. I am human. A mutant. And I am looking for my friends."

"Ah, a new player. Very interesting," Ibsen studied him from behind his goggles. "Quite different from previous specimens, but you should provide amusing nonetheless."

"Amusing?" Piotr frowned. "Mister, this is serious. My friends could be hurt. I need help finding them."

"Perhaps. But I can not let anything get in the way of my experiments," Ibsen said turning away.

"Experiments?" Piotr sputtered in disbelief. "But what about my friends?"

"All in good time, m'boy. All in good time." Ibsen stepped toward the open steam-powered truck. "I infer from your agitated state that you have encountered multiple examples of the jungle's various animal inhabitants?"

"Uh, yes," Piotr said, somewhat confused.

"And you have survived. Impressive," Ibsen smiled. "But I have constructed much more inventive creations, two of which I am currently testing." He reached inside the truck's cab and pulled a lever. A long horn call came out from the truck's mounted speakers.

"HHHRRREEEAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Huh?" Piotr blinked as the jungle shook violently and two enormous, bulky looking elephants emerged from the foliage.

"Behold my latest creations. The battle armored, fire breathing elephants of doom," Ibsen waved at them in triumph. "I believe they will provide a formidable addition to the jungle's residents. Care to test them out?" Ibsen smiled wickedly and pointed at Piotr. "Get him!"

"HHHRRREEEAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh my," Piotr gulped as the mechanical elephants charged.


	3. You Game Are

**You Game Are**

KA-BAM!

"Yahhhhhh!" Sabertooth gasped as another bullet just barely missed him as he frantically ran on all fours. By now he completely resembled a squirrel.

"Outrageous!" Van Pelt fumed as he reloaded his gun. He had also been joined by a pair of large hunting ferrets. "This creature is even more elusive than I imagined. All the more satisfying when I finally bring him down."

"Gotta hide, gotta hide, gotta hide!" Sabertooth whimpered as he scampered up a nearby tree and desperately tried to stay still.

"Come on out you sniveling coward!" Van Pelt held his rifle at ready while his two ferrets sniffed for a trail. "Sooner or later you'll be forced to face me!"

"Gotta run, gotta move, gotta hide," Sabertooth quivered while chanting to himself. "Gotta hide, gotta run, gotta...wait a second. What am I **doing**? I'm not the hunted. I'm the hunter!" He got a dangerous gleam in his eyes. "These stupid squirrel instincts have me all messed up. Well no more! I may or may not still have my healing factor and mutant powers, but I am still Victor Creed and **I'm done running!**"

"I know you're here somewhere. I can feel it," Van Pelt smiled and coolly scanned around with his rifle.

WHUMP!

"YIPE! YIPE!"

Sabertooth dropped out of the tree and landed right on top of the two hunting ferrets, pinning them to the ground. He shot a menacing glare at Van Pelt. "Looking for me?"

"Ah, excellent," Van Pelt grinned and gave a small approving nod. "Finally decided to start acting like a man after all, eh Sonny-Jim?"

"I'm not Sonny-Jim, I'm **Sabertooth**!" Sabertooth roared. "And there is no hunter alive greater than me!" He raised his claws and leapt at Van Pelt. "RRROOOAAARRRRRRRRR!"

* * *

><p>"Bik gam pol du jeep qiu issst!" The mask people (aka Manji tribe) shrieked and prepared to skewer Pyro.<p>

"Ahhh! My fire beauties! Save me!" Pyro cringed, clapped his eyes shut and instinctively flipped open his lighter.

WHOOOOOOSSSHHH!

"Eeeeeekkk!" The Manjis leapt back and stared as the flames enveloped Pyro.

"Am I dead yet?" Pyro opened his eyes and saw he had unconsciously surrounded himself within a fire circle. "Hey, it worked! Ha! Little mask people! Bet ya didn't expect that did ya...huh?" Pyro blinked as the Manjis dropped their spears, fell on their knees and prostrated themselves before him. "Wow. They must think I'm a fire god or something!"

Pyro grinned and began to make the flames even bigger, but noticed the genuine fear in the all Manjis' eyes. "Awww, I can't roast anyone who looks like that. Even if they did plan to kill me." He drew the flames back into his lighter. The Manjis cautiously glanced up.

"It's okay mates. I'm just your typical, lost day-tripper with mutant powers. See?" Pyro smiled and made a small flaming puppy. "Ta da!"

The Manjis oohed and whispered among themselves. Pyro beamed and made a trio of small fire giraffes. "How about this?"

The Manjis cheered and clapped their hands in delight. Some of them even jumped up and down. "And that's not all!" Pyro grinned and spread his flame covered hands wide. "You blokes wanna have some **real** fun?"

* * *

><p>"Eighteen lock picks, six packs of playing cards, a bottle of particle spray and three baskets of mangos," Slick stated his latest offer. "An extra five lock picks if I supply you with the baskets."<p>

"Ten lock picks, three packs of playing cards, the spray and one basket of mangoes," Remy countered.

"Fifteen lock picks, four packs of cards, the spray, one and a half mango baskets and a pair of giant tortoise shells," Slick grinned. "Buffed and polished of course."

"For the last time, I don't have any giant tortoise shells!" Remy yelled and slammed a fist against Slick's counter. "I've offered you everything I can spare. Take it or leave it!"

"Come, come young man. You must have **something** else you are willing to part with," Slick smiled predatorily. "For instance, that telescoping fighting rod you've got is **very** interesting."

"Forget it!" Remy snapped and turned away from the outpost. "I'm heading out on my own! I don't need that stupid compass."

"On the contrary my friend. You do need something," Slick corrected him. "And I am the only one who can provide you with absolutely **everything** you need. Especially if you intend to last more than five minutes in the jungle without getting lost or becoming critter chow."

"Yeah, yeah," Remy waved, but conceded the point and turned back toward the outpost. "Okay, what else do you have I could use?"

Slick smiled and waved him over. "Tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go easy on you kid, 'cause I like your face."

"Great," Remy grumbled. "That would mean a lot more to me if you were good looking and female."

"I won't trade you the compass. But I will offer you this!" Slick grinned and held up a small, thick paperback. "The Ultimate Jungle Survival Guide for Beginners! Packed with information about the local flora, fauna and topography. Includes various sightseeing attractions and mud spas! Yours for a mere five rubies!"

"Oh, yeah right. Like everybody walks around with...wait a second. Did you say rubies?" Remy did a double take.

"Yessiree bob! Rubies, sapphires, gold coins and diamonds are all rare and acceptable forms of exchange around here, don't'cha know?" Slick smiled.

"Really?" Remy twitched and stealthily reached for a nearby length of climbing rope.

"Though they are hard to come by, they make wonderful ornaments when polished and...aaahhhhhh!" Slick yelped as Remy unexpectedly lassoed him with the rope.

Remy quickly dragged Slick outside and bound him up tight. "There, that's better. Too bad I don't have a bandana or something so I can stop you from talking."

"Sir! Please! This is no way to treat your local retailer!" Slick yelled as he attempted to wiggle free.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," Remy waved as he strode into the store and gave a big grin. "Now, where do you keep those rubies?"

* * *

><p>"Urraaahhh!" Piotr shouted as he lifted one of the mechanical elephants above his head and tossed it aside.<p>

"HHHRRREEEAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

WHOOOOOOSSSHHH!

The second elephant trumpeted and shot flames from its trunk as it bore down on Piotr.

"Urrrggghhh!" Piotr ignored the flames and managed to climb up on the elephant's back. "Is this the best you can do? I have more trouble dealing with Pyro after he has gotten into sugar!"

"HHHRRREEEAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The elephant bucked and began to thrash around with Piotr clinging to its neck.

"Come on! Come on my beauties! Destroy him!" Ibsen ordered and clenched his fists in anticipation.

"Yaaahhhhhh!" Piotr slammed an armored fist into the back of the elephant's head. The elephant reeled and stumbled over the first elephant which was just starting to get up. Piotr jumped over to the first elephant and punched the back of its head as well.

"My poor sweet babies!" Ibsen cried. He angrily pointed at Piotr. "You will pay for this boy! Pay with your life...huh?" Ibsen blinked as the damaged elephants got up and aggressively headed for him. "What the...wait, what are you doing?"

"Hmmm, I must have done more damage to them than I thought," Piotr noted as the elephants bellowed and prepared to attack.

"Stop! Stop it you fools! I am your master...YEEEOOOWWWWWW!" Ibsen yelled as the malfunctioning elephants shot double bursts of fire at him. The elephants missed but completely destroyed his truck. "AAAHHHHHHHHH!" Ibsen quickly ran off with his once obedient elephants in hot and dangerous pursuit. "HELP ME!"

"Well that was easy," Piotr said brushing himself off. "Now to find the others. They are probably in big trouble by now."

"HAHAHAHAHA! YEAH! YEAH!"

"Or not," Piotr blinked as he heard a familiar maniacal cry. He turned and ran through the jungle in the direction the laughter had come from for a short while before crashing through a large bush and burst into a clearing.

"DANCE MY PEOPLE! DANCE! DANCE!" Pyro cackled happily as he led a procession of strange looking mask beings around an enormous bonfire. A large decorated outpost stood a fair distance behind it.

"Qeek, qeek, qeek, qeek, qeek!" The Manjis cheered and danced after him waving their spears around.

"Stop hitting me you walking roof tiles!" Van Pelt yelled from where he hung tied up with tough jungle vines and suspended from a nearby tree. Several Manjis were taking turns whacking him. "Ow! You stupid savages! My hunting ferrets will make sausages out of you!"

"I don't think so," Sabertooth snorted from where he crouched next to the fire, still looking like a squirrel. He burped and held out two roasted skeletons on a stick. "Mmm, those things were pretty good!"

"Eudora and Mimi! NOOOOOOOOO!" Van Pelt screamed. Another Manji whacked him with his spear. "OW!"

"And I'll take this and this and oooh! This looks neat!" Remy grinned as he helped himself to Slick's outpost situated on the other side of the bonfire. "And this and this and oh, let's just throw these things out!" He tossed several ceramic gimcracks on the fire.

"Not the Herbie collection!" Slick yelled and hopped after him while still tied up. "No! You can't take the gold and diamond nose flutes! They're invaluable!"

"Really?" Remy smiled and slipped them into his trench coat. "Thanks for pointing them out!"

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Pyro laughed maniacally as he made the flames leap even higher using his powers. "FIRE! FIRE EVERYWHERE!"

"Aaahhhhhh!" Slick yelped as several burning fire ribbons rained down and set the outpost's roof on fire. "Well, at least I have comprehensive fire insurance."

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Ibsen ran by still chased by his elephants. They continued to shoot flames at him while destroying everything in their path. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS! I AM YOUR MASTER! I ORDER YOU TO STOP...YAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Ooooooh! Fire elephants! Cool!" Pyro's eyes grew wide. He created dozens of large fire animals and had them run around the clearing. "Everybody party!"

CRUNCH!

"NOT MY .600 NITRO EXPRESS! NOOOOOOOOO!" Van Pelt screamed as the rampaging elephants smashed his gun to smithereens. "BABY! SPEAK TO ME!"

"Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop!" The excited Manjis chanted waving their spears and chased after the fire animals.

"Oh my" Piotr blinked as the Acolytes continued to add fuel to the insanity. "And to think I was worried about **them**!"

"WAHOOOOOOOOO!" Pyro laughed maniacally as the various flaming animals began to set fire to the nearby jungle. "Party! Party!"

"Yeah!" Sabertooth cheered roasting another caught animal on the fire. "Anybody got any barbeque sauce?"

CRASH!

"Whoa!" Remy pocketed one finally item and dove out of Slick's store just as Ibsen and the pair of stampeding elephants ran through it.

SMASH!

"OUT OF MY WAY!" Ibsen yelled running around frantically.

"Get out of there!" Slick wailed as the half the outpost fell in on itself. "My emporium! Thank goodness I have rampaging mechanical elephant insurance."

"WILL YOU IDIOTS STOP PLAYING AROUND AND CUT ME LOSE ALREADY?" Van Pelt screamed as the vine he was tied up with caught on fire. "THE FLAMES ARE BURNING MY PANTS! YEEEOOOWWWWWW!"

"Dang! I wasn't finished yet!" Remy snapped as the elephants nearly ran him over. "You mechanical monstrosities! Take this!" He charged up a handful of cards and threw them.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!" Slick screamed as Remy missed and blew up the rest of his trading outpost. "I DON'T HAVE EXPLODING PLAYING CARD INSURANCE! NOOOOOOOOO!"

"Spt wik bok alu eep eep!" The Manjis jumped and froze at the unexpected noise. They finally noticed a large part of the jungle was on fire and ran off in the opposite direction.

"YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF ME!" Van Pelt screamed and hopped away still tied up in the burning vine. One end of it had burned through, thus partially freeing him. "I'LL GET YOU LUNATICS FOR THIS INSULT IF IT'S THE LAST THING I EVER DO! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"AAAHHHHHH!" Ibsen yelled and ran off while desperately trying to evade his elephants.

"WAIT FOR ME!" Slick shouted hopping after them. "I NEED TO ACQUIRE A FAR LESS HAZARDOUS PIECE OF REAL ESTATE!"

"Uh oh," Piotr gulped as the flames rapidly spread throughout the jungle. "We need to put a stop to this!"

"No we don't!" Sabertooth roared tearing up a large banana tree by its roots. "This place has been gunning for us from the beginning! Now it's payback time!"

"Yeah!" Remy snapped and charged up some more cards. He began to randomly toss them around.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"Hahahahaha!" Pyro cackled insanely as the jungle burned around him. "Yeah! Yeah!"

"We need to stop this!" Piotr shouted as the ground shook from Remy's explosions.

"Forget it!" Sabertooth yelled in his high pitched voice. "I'm gonna tear this whole stupid place apart for what it's done to me!"

FLAAAAAASSSHHH!

"Aaahhhhhh!" The Acolytes yelled as they were all temporary blinded. A moment later they found themselves standing together in a very crowded bathroom.

"What happened?" Pyro blinked and carefully rubbed his eyes. "Hey, we're back at the base!"

"And I'm not a squirrel!" Sabertooth grinned and strode out of the bathroom looking like his powerful, feral self once more. He shot a warning look at the others. "Any of you mention one word of what happened to me again, you're **dead**!"

"I'm just glad we made it back out of the game in one piece," Remy sighed and checked himself out.

"But how?" Piotr asked as he exited the bathroom while returning to his normal form. "The crystal message said someone had to learn a lesson. Who was it? And what was the lesson?"

"I know the answer to that," Remy grinned and picked the game box off the floor, folding it up as he did so. "The **game** learned not to mess with us and not bring us into its little jungle world again! Probably not what it originally meant, but it needed some way to satisfy the message and kick us out."

"You said it!" Pyro agreed as the Acolytes took off down the hallway. "Though I have to admit, those little mask guys were pretty cool."

"And that trading outpost was nicely stocked too," Remy grinned and patted the bulging pockets of his trench coat. "I know a certain _femme_ who would love this set of gold and emerald bracelets. And I'd like to see what some of this other stuff is too."

"I know one thing. I will not complain about being bored anymore," Piotr said as they neared the Control Room. "Right now I just want to enjoy some peace and..." The Acolytes turned and froze in the doorway. "...quiet?"

"AAARRRGGGHHH! GET OFF ME YOU STINKING SALAD BARS!" A very disheveled Magneto yelled as he levitated and fought for his life against multiple giant lashing tendrils. Half of the Control Room was overgrown with grass and jungle plants while the other half was overflowing with mud. "GAAAHHHHHH! STOP BITING ME YOU LITTLE PESTS!"

"HONK! HONK! CHIRP! CHIRP! SCREEEEEE!" Swarms of birds and insects flew everywhere while a bull giraffe calmly munched on a large tamarind tree in a corner.

"Oh my," Piotr blinked.

"Oh yeah. I forgot all about this," Pyro stared at the sight.

GLUB! GLUB!

A large pool of dark mud oozed past their feet. "Who could?" Sabertooth grunted.

"Don't worry. I'll handle this," Remy said and opened up the game box. "Hey, listen up you stupid game! You'd better get all this insane jungle stuff out of the base or we're coming back in!"

FLAAASSSHHH!

"Back! Back I say...huh?" Magneto blinked as the plants, birds, insects, mud and giraffe vanished in a giant flash of light. He looked around at the familiar though destroyed Control Room in confusion. "What the...?"

"Hey boss!" Pyro waved at him. "How ya doing?"

"Pyro?" Magneto blinked and landed on the heavily damaged floor. "Where did you come from? What happened? Where did all the giant plants go?"

"Uh, what plants?" Remy asked innocently.

"Yeah, what plants?" Pyro quickly followed his lead. "I didn't see any giant fighting plants, did you Piotr?"

"Um, if you say so," Piotr shrugged.

"What? But they were just here!" Magneto twitched and waved his arms around. "They ambushed me right before I was nearly swept away in a mudslide, but after a crazy giraffe decided to use me as a football! Then the birds and giant insects flew in and..."

"Uh, boss. Maybe you should go lie down for a while," Remy suggested gently. "You were obviously hallucinating."

"Yeah, that's it," Pyro nodded his head. "I mean giant plants and football playing giraffes? Even I don't usually dream about weird, random stuff like that!"

"I guess so. But it seemed so **real**," Magneto got a haunted look in his eyes. "Wait a second, what caused all this damage to the base?"

"Uh, you did it," Remy said quickly. "You used your powers to trash everything in sight. Keep shouting about having to fight off squadrons of attack flamingos and giant killer bees."

"I did?" Magneto blinked. "Wow. I knew I shouldn't have had green eggs with the leftover mushroom and hamburger casserole this morning."

"Come on boss," Sabertooth rolled his eyes and slowly guided Magneto out of the room. "I'll help you recover from your 'hallucinations' with a couple rounds of scotch. Heaven knows **I** need some after all the garbage I've been through today."

"Good thinking Gambit," Pyro said once Magneto and Sabertooth were gone.

"I thought so," Remy smirked. "Mags is gonna be scratching his head over this one for months. Hey, I bet we can drive him paranoid with this."

"But how did you plan to get us all back into the game?" Piotr asked.

"I don't know, but we would have figured something out," Remy peered down at the game board. The playing pieces were scattered around and no longer fixed in place. "Looks like it didn't want to take any chances and cancelled our game. It even fixed my trench coat."

"Thank goodness," Piotr sighed. "At least we do not have to go through all that again."

"Should we burn it?" Remy asked holding up the game box.

"Na," Pyro shook his head. "If we did that we might kill off all the animals and the mask people and all the other blokes inside the game."

"I suppose you're right," Remy admitted folding up the game box. "Though I'm surprised you're actually turning down a chance to burn something."

"Hey, I'm not a murderer," Pyro spat. "I only burn inanimate things unless it's for beauty, friendship or self defense. Fire is life!"

"Oh brother," Remy rolled his eyes.

"So what should we do with it?" Piotr gestured toward the game. "Put it in a box and lock it up forever?"

"Naw. I think I've got the perfect idea," Remy grinned.

* * *

><p>"Man, I'm bored," Rogue sighed as she absently leafed through a book while seated in a large, stuffed lounge chair in the living room.<p>

"Me too," Kitty whined sitting on the couch while idly flipping through channels on the TV. "There's nothing worth watching on and practically every place in town has bans against mutants."

"There's gotta be something we can do," Kurt said as he hung upside-down from the ceiling. "We could...hey. Do you hear something?"

Out in the hall a long, compact wooden box lay propped up against a wall, the slight sound of deep, ominous drumming emanating from it.

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the book, movie, cartoon or board game Jumanji.<strong>


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